A huge issue we face today is that we all think we are in the 1% of people with mental barriers or problems when the truth is, we are actually part of the 99%. We over think, over analyse and over compensate for things that are out of our control but we hide it behind benign smiles and dishonesty.
We see surface value instead of delving further and we build a two dimensional world around ourselves to protect our pride. We exist for others and not for ourselves and make appearances at events although we are not emotionally there. We take narcissistic selfies to show people how "happy" we are, not willing to share the bigger picture.
Sometimes admitting you are in pain feels egocentric and selfish. It's easier just to hold those feelings in your mouth and swallow them whole, just as you would a pain remedy. The difference however, is that ingesting mental pain can often lead to very severe illness and grow faster than bacteria in agar. For years I sat bottling emotions and hiding how I felt, not realising just how transparent I was. I greeted every morning with a dose of self pity and ignorance as I fell back into my routine of being comfortably numb. It almost began to feel reassuring, that my emotional state was so predictable because I let myself hover along the "I'm okay" line, not willing to dip above or below. My pain sat un-dissolved and for the most part dormant but I started to become more and more detached from those around me.
Luckily for me, my friends and family did not give up on me even after I had refused their help and advice for so long. I, like many others do, believed I was fine and that nothing was wrong because my medication was stopping me from having episodes of rage and anguish. I didn't realise that while I may be able to prevent terrifying symptoms of my mental illness, I may also start to learn to be truely happy within myself and use my life for its real potential. I am still walking a thin line with my happiness but now when I smile it is a genuine smile. I don't feel the need to lie to myself and especially to others about how I am feeling which I believe is a preliminary step in learning to love and accept yourself for who you are. We are all flawed but it's how you deal with your flaws that defines how you live with yourself.
We see surface value instead of delving further and we build a two dimensional world around ourselves to protect our pride. We exist for others and not for ourselves and make appearances at events although we are not emotionally there. We take narcissistic selfies to show people how "happy" we are, not willing to share the bigger picture.
Sometimes admitting you are in pain feels egocentric and selfish. It's easier just to hold those feelings in your mouth and swallow them whole, just as you would a pain remedy. The difference however, is that ingesting mental pain can often lead to very severe illness and grow faster than bacteria in agar. For years I sat bottling emotions and hiding how I felt, not realising just how transparent I was. I greeted every morning with a dose of self pity and ignorance as I fell back into my routine of being comfortably numb. It almost began to feel reassuring, that my emotional state was so predictable because I let myself hover along the "I'm okay" line, not willing to dip above or below. My pain sat un-dissolved and for the most part dormant but I started to become more and more detached from those around me.
Luckily for me, my friends and family did not give up on me even after I had refused their help and advice for so long. I, like many others do, believed I was fine and that nothing was wrong because my medication was stopping me from having episodes of rage and anguish. I didn't realise that while I may be able to prevent terrifying symptoms of my mental illness, I may also start to learn to be truely happy within myself and use my life for its real potential. I am still walking a thin line with my happiness but now when I smile it is a genuine smile. I don't feel the need to lie to myself and especially to others about how I am feeling which I believe is a preliminary step in learning to love and accept yourself for who you are. We are all flawed but it's how you deal with your flaws that defines how you live with yourself.
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